never think
that someone would not watch
when you aren’t watching
the grand manipulator
who pulls the strings
must maintain control
to be sure, it will be subtle
but do beware
the mirror sees you everywhere
(c) 2020 BGeiger
mirror, mirror
Category run
get away day
long ago, but not far enough away
mommy we have to leave before he kills you
oh my god
they know
and they are afraid
my heart aches even now
remembering their faces
my little girls
mommy please
they know
we made a plan
two paper bags
one change of clothing
walk out the back
knock on a door
ask for help
end of plan
make a plan, even a bad plan
never go back
they saved my life, i know that now
and just that so you know
they know
they always know.
(c) 2020 BGeiger
on leaving
go, or stay, but do not think
that if you wait it might get better
that the first time will be the last time,
don’t excuse the violence,
it is not just stress or job or no job or money or no money,
an abuser will be abusive
no matter the circumstance
the sad truth is that once it starts, it will always, only, ever, get worse
when is it time to leave?
when you realize that no one,
not even god, will change him for you,
when you no longer care about what you are leaving behind,
when your children tell you that it’s time to go,
it is
when you decide to leave, just do it
don’t pack more than you need,
don’t leave a note,
don’t call your mother,
don’t involve your friends,
don’t waste time gathering things that you are not willing to die for
and whatever you do,
don’t go back,
don’t ever go back,
no matter how sorry he seems
you must know that if you give him the chance
the abuser will get even
(c) 2020 BGeiger
stupid, worthless, fat/skinny, ugly, fucking bitch
nobody will ever love you like i do,
you fucking bitch.
you are worthless, stupid,
fat/skinny as the case may be,
and of course, ugly.
if you just hadn’t said/done that.
it’s your fault that i had to (you know).
if you have heard some version of this,
you are being abused.
wake up
you are not any of those things.
you do not deserve to live in fear
he is not worth this damage to your body and your mind.
listen to your brain, not his lies.
your ego has lost its way,
look for what is true.
abuse is a life-time lease on a condo in hell.
the only way out is to open the door,
put one foot in front of the other
and walk away
(c) 2020 BGeiger
rain
burning black sand,
extravagantly bright flowers
quite suddenly dripping with warm rain
that pounds the earth with unreasonable fury
in a moment, the rain is gone
and the sand is burning hot again
violence is not rain
it does not simply stop.
bravery is necessary
yet one time more than you believe is in you
run
before you cannot
(c) 2020 BGeiger
storm
suddenly the storm is me
my emotions rage and tear the air
like debris tossed about in a wild wind
i will not be peaceful if it means dying with the words suffocated behind my lips
i will not be a shadow any longer
i must stand in the light
even if it is a storm
(c) 2020 BGeiger
hostage
The reality of discovering
that I was only a hostage
made leaving that much easier.
Leaving wasn’t difficult,
or painful,
only frightening.
Starting over was more difficult.
Every day was hard
but every night was peaceful
and finally safe.
(c) 2020 BGeiger
the day after
becoming older is simple
it sneaks up on you,
until it doesn’t
this beauty will also grow old,
crumple in upon herself
and lose her amazing petals,
which feel wooden to my careful touch
it is my joy to have witnessed her life
even as my aging body requires me to walk slowly enough to notice
thank goodness
do not allow your old age to be stolen from you
run
get out
your stuff isn’t worth it
don’t wait to leave until the day after he kills you
(c) 2020 BGeiger
dying, with sparkles
there is no filling the empty soul.
it closes up around itself
and refuses to take nourishment.
nothing is right,
nothing lights the darkness.
the soul needs to sing and dance and play,
joyously.
if joy has gone of its own accord,
or been sold to the highest bidder,
the soul will starve.
take back the joy.
let go of the shiny substitute,
death hides in the sparkles.
(c) 2020 BGeiger
dreaming out loud 