time to leave

Some women leave too soon. How can it ever be too soon if you are being abused? Because, you might go back. And that is a true recipe for disaster.

If you are not ready to leave your “stuff” – it’s too soon. If you still love the bum, stay with him. Eventually he will convince you that he is not worth loving. If you still believe he can “change” you are truly kidding yourself. The price you pay may be your life.

When is it time to go? When you are thoroughly sick and tired of being battered. When you have finally realized that God will not change him for you. And/or when you finally no longer care about leaving your “home” and all of your “stuff.”

Until then, I suggest that you stay until you are serious about leaving. Shelters are full of women who will go back. If you aren’t serious, don’t take up a bed in the shelter. Someone who is really ready to leave may need that bed.

When my girls and I arrived at the shelter, the very first thing they told me was that close to 70 or 80 percent of the women there would go back to their abusers. I was stunned. Okay, so I was really ready to leave. No question. But why would an abused woman leave, and then go back?

On some level, don’t you know that he’s going to come after you for leaving him? He will want to “get even” for the “hurt” or “embarrassment” you have cause him. He will absolutely not forgive you for leaving. Please, don’t kid yourself.

Do you really think you will “teach him a lesson?” Not happening. He IS an abuser. You ARE the designated victim. He loves having a victim at home, waiting for him. He doesn’t want to have to go out and find another one.

If you have children, and you are in an abusive relationship, you absolutely can not leave too soon. Young children are so impressionable – what are you really telling them about life, about relationships? Do you think they don’t notice the abuse? They KNOW. They are worried about you. They are afraid of the abuser, maybe even more than you are.

Don’t involve your relatives or friends. Find a shelter. Call them. Make sure they have room for you (and your kids). Collect what you will be taking with you (the less the better) and walk out the door.

But, please, don’t go back.


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