long ago, but not far enough away
mommy we have to leave before he kills you
oh my god
they know
and they are afraid
my heart aches even now
remembering their faces
my little girls
mommy please
they know
we made a plan
two paper bags
one change of clothing
walk out the back
knock on a door
ask for help
end of plan
make a plan, even a bad plan
never go back
they saved my life, i know that now
and just that so you know
they know
they always know.
(c) 2020 BGeiger
you taught me to walk in the other one’s shoes
rather than feel my own pain.
maybe that person had a bad day.
maybe their feet hurt.
maybe that person is just mean.
i had my own pain,
i needed to scream!
you taught me that my screams were worthless.
you taught me to shut up and take it.
sadly, what i learned was, how to be abused.
that was many years ago,
many hard lessons, long past now.
today i walk barefoot
and no one walks on me,
not any longer.
(c) 2020 BGeiger
what child hasn’t taken that deepest of breaths,
whispered the private-most wish in their heart,
and gently blown a precious dandelion into the wind?
we spent many long summer days
lying on our backs in the cool grass
all wrapped in fairy dust,
telling stories, as magical creatures wafted slowly by
against the summer pale blue sky.
a thunderstorm breaks the spell
cold blobs of rain plopping hard on our sunbaked skin
as we ran for shelter.
there is still nothing like the wet-dirt taste of a summer storm in the air.
hot summer nights, chasing fireflies
and watching the night sky for the perfect wishing star
it was easier to be a kid back then.
it is unbearably sad
that i could not give my children a carefree childhood
and even more sad
that their children
will grow up knowing that it will be up to them
to keep their world alive.
(c) 2020 BGeiger
the flower is dying,
but there will be another,
the bush will continue
without her
i wonder
does she struggle to breathe?
is she fearful of the end?
growing older changes my perception of myself.
i feel much like her,
faded, colorless,
and often, extraneous.
i do not want to be gone from my own life,
but that is vain
we will all fade from view.
it is how we are remembered
that saves our place in the garden.
(c) 2020 BGeiger
suddenly the storm is me
my emotions rage and tear the air
like debris tossed about in a wild wind
i will not be peaceful if it means dying with the words suffocated behind my lips
i will not be a shadow any longer
i must stand in the light
even if it is a storm
(c) 2020 BGeiger
i choose my truth
from a basket of tangled memories
and a wicked, cold reality
that i can not outrun
(c) 2020 BGeiger
I have seen the beginning of the end
it starts with always
and never
and continues down its lonely road toward
not light
but darkness.
The end is everywhere tonight.
in your face, your voice,
in the tension of your anger and impatience.
I don’t think you even know
that the road you have taken has no outlet.
Given the opportunity, love will grow cold
as cold as the water
as cold as the walls that you build
with words
or no words at all.
(c) 2020 BGeiger
you are the future of my past
and the star on my horizon.
life has disappointed you
and my heart aches
for your sorrow.
i have lived and loved
and hurt and been hurt
and cried so many tears
and yet, it was impossible to take the pain for you
young women become so
by twisting and scraping against the walls of time
desperately crowding the future
into the present.
impatient for their dreams
to open into now
your future
will become your past
and these hard days will be
but pages read, and scattered
on the winds of fleeting dreams
(c) 2020 BGeiger
my life was scream
trapped
in a nightmare.
it was never going to get better
the only cure
was to leave
it took years
and days
and hours
and some very long moments
but my dreams are peaceful now
my heart is calm
and I don’t miss the terror
not even a little
(c) 2020 BGeiger
we want time,
and time,
and more time, to what end?
will we die happier if we live a long life
or if we live gratefully
for temporary things,
love, kinship, a smile, eyes that truly see
look at the trees,
i doubt they complain about the years they don’t have.
it seems enough to stretch their branches toward the sun,
to witness thunder and soak up fresh drops of rain,
to stand tall without demanding eternity.
breathe in the beauty and strength of the trees,
endlessly renewing, shedding the old and moving on.
it is the way of the universe.
we live, we grow old, or not, and we die,
maybe we change form and shape and live again,
somehow or another
or maybe not
it doesn’t matter to me
one life is magical enough,
if i don’t waste it living in desperation and fear.
(c) 2020 BGeiger
dreaming out loud 