Category moving on

desperate devotion

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if today were the day that he killed you
would you wonder why you stayed?

if you are being physically abused
you know, on some level, that you are in danger.

if you are staying in that situation
for reasons that seem good to you,
but make you wonder if you should,
consider,
that if you wait until tomorrow
to leave,
or think about leaving,
or to try to stop the madness,
that you may just be too late.

for a battered woman,
there is always a chance
that tomorrow may be the day that you die
or
that you may turn the tables,
and become the thing you fear.

don’t let this desperate devotion
keep you in this dangerous place.

an abusive relationship is not worth saving
you are worth saving,
and there really are things worse than dying.

(c) 2020 BGeiger

that damn shoe

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you taught me to walk in the other one’s shoes
rather than feel my own pain.
maybe that person had a bad day.
maybe their feet hurt.
maybe that person is just mean.

i had my own pain,
i needed to scream!
you taught me that my screams were worthless.
you taught me to shut up and take it.
sadly, what i learned was, how to be abused.

that was many years ago,
many hard lessons, long past now.
today i walk barefoot
and no one walks on me,

not any longer.

(c) 2020 BGeiger

on leaving

BSGeiger 7 Comments


go, or stay, but do not think
that if you wait it might get better
that the first time will be the last time,
don’t excuse the violence,
it is not just stress or job or no job or money or no money,
an abuser will be abusive
no matter the circumstance
the sad truth is that once it starts, it will always, only, ever, get worse

when is it time to leave?
when you realize that no one,
not even god, will change him for you,
when you no longer care about what you are leaving behind,
when your children tell you that it’s time to go,
it is

when you decide to leave, just do it
don’t pack more than you need,
don’t leave a note,
don’t call your mother,
don’t involve your friends,
don’t waste time gathering things that you are not willing to die for
and whatever you do,
don’t go back,
don’t ever go back,
no matter how sorry he seems
you must know that if you give him the chance
the abuser will get even


(c) 2020 BGeiger

freedom

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i love the freedom
of my advancing years.

i speak my mind,
and
love without walls

i was young once,
what a lot of trouble that was.

wisdom grows from pain.
freedom is a gift
that you give to yourself
after the wounds of youth have healed.

(c) 2020 BGeiger

alone

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it is dark
and quiet
the loudest sound in the room is the beating of my heart
i can feel blood rushing through my veins
the sounds of my life are deafening

the silence is palpable
i should have felt peaceful
but i wished for someone to talk with
or love

once again, i tell myself that no one will hurt me tonight
i don’t have to be afraid anymore

today i would tell my younger self to get a dog
and a library card


(c) 2020 BGeiger

secret

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hiding
like a secret,
behind the floppy green leaves,
this tiny pocket of flowers
brought a sweet smile to my heart today

i had forgotten
perhaps
that secrets should be joyous

there was a time when my life held many secrets.
sorrows i could not contain
searching wildly for courage
to scream
and run
and run
and never stop
until the world was safe again


(c) 2020 BGeiger

spring

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it is spring
there are flowers everywhere.
joyous
stretching
kissing the light
shocking colors that only god can make

i memorize them, for darker days.
wild
as they are.

at dusk
they fold inward.
sleeping until dawn.

my soul opens into the night
it is peaceful
the air is thicker,
closer to my skin somehow

coyotes running free
singing to one another
and to me

 
(c) 2020 BGeiger

the end

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I have seen the beginning of the end
it starts with always
and never
and continues down its lonely road toward
not light
but darkness.

The end is everywhere tonight.
in your face, your voice,
in the tension of your anger and impatience.
I don’t think you even know
that the road you have taken has no outlet.
Given the opportunity, love will grow cold
as cold as the water
as cold as the walls that you build
with words
or no words at all.


(c) 2020 BGeiger

little one

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you are the future of my past
and the star on my horizon.

life has disappointed you
and my heart aches
for your sorrow.

i have lived and loved
and hurt and been hurt
and cried so many tears
and yet, it was impossible to take the pain for you

young women become so
by twisting and scraping against the walls of time
desperately crowding the future
into the present.
impatient for their dreams
to open into now

your future
will become your past
and these hard days will be
but pages read, and scattered
on the winds of fleeting dreams


(c) 2020 BGeiger

cold winter sun

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The cold winter sun shares her harsh light begrudgingly.
hiding,
then fairly screaming at me from between the trees
as she dances lower and lower on the horizon.

I increase my pace,
struggling to stay warm.

A patch of lavender comes in to view,
curious
i move closer

I am overpowered,
the scent is visceral
I must stop

The bright new flowers
have rushed to open after the recent rains,
sensing light through the eyelids of their souls,
urgently unfolding into the new day.
stretching
reaching
gloriously becoming

I take a picture, but it is washed out
the light is too bright.
I move my body to create a shadow
and try again

I breathe deeply,
memorizing the moment.
joyous
unwashed
unchanged by chemistry

Today I have learned something

Light is necessary for life,
but shadow is necessary for vision.


(c) 2020 BGeiger 

picture perfect

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It is quiet.
The perfume of flowers floats like a song on the evening air.
I whisper my love to the trees,
my heart soars with the dancing of birds in flight.

I feel close to the earth
and in tune with the spirits of her many wild creatures.
I am one of them. I belong here.

(c) 2020 BGeiger