desperate devotion


if today were the day that he killed you
would you wonder why you stayed?

if you are being physically abused
you know, on some level, that you are in danger.

if you are staying in that situation
for reasons that seem good to you,
but make you wonder if you should,
consider,
that if you wait until tomorrow
to leave,
or think about leaving,
or to try to stop the madness,
that you may just be too late.

for a battered woman,
there is always a chance
that tomorrow may be the day that you die
or
that you may turn the tables,
and become the thing you fear.

don’t let this desperate devotion
keep you in this dangerous place.

an abusive relationship is not worth saving
you are worth saving,
and there really are things worse than dying.

(c) 2020 BGeiger

time

time is crashing into me
heavily,
demanding that i write the words
that run screaming through my head,
for the benefit of someone,
somewhere
who crouches, barely breathing,
behind a locked door,
waiting
for the end.

tears cross the planes of her face,
drizzling slowly
toward the broken heart
that beats behind the purple bruises
from the last time.

no one will come to help
no one knows
that she is hiding
once again,
waiting for the storm to pass.
to live through it one more time

i have bared my soul to the universe
so that perhaps
one woman
or one child
might live a better life

i hope it is enough

(c) 2021 BGeiger

lovely lies

once there was a truth between us
and then a lie,
then many more
’till we were lost along the way somewhere.

there once was love behind your eyes
but now we dance around the lies
as you pierce the very air
with the sharpened knives of your unremitting rage

the music starts
and my emotional museum
dredges up some dusty piece of trouble
from a basement closet that opens inward, but not out.
i blow off the dust,
shine up the lies,
and my precious good intentions fail to save me,
once again

i could live with ugly truth
it is your lovely lies that i find difficult to bury
as i toss my shovel-full of dirt
onto the empty casket
of what never really was.

(c) 2020 BGeiger

beware


seeing stars on the way down
knocked flat, no warning
i wasn’t really hungry anyway.

physical abuse
is preceded
by insidious, biting ridicule
that quietly erodes the ego necessary
for self-preservation.

contempt and scorn
are the daily bread of the dis-loved woman.
she can not complain
she has no one left to listen.
eventually she capitulates, at last believing
that abuse is what she deserves.

i have come to believe that
the abuser loves the challenge
of besting a woman who will fight for her power.
for i was not so much battered,
as conquered.

beware the charming man


(c) 2020 BGeiger

crysalis

my body is not who i am.
i am not this fuzzy little worm,
i am an elegant creature,
with fabulous golden wings,
you will see

my fuzzy body only sleeps in fairy dust
and grateful peace
while i become the glorious new me

when i wake,
i will lift my astonishing new wings
and my soul will fly
from flower to flower in the sunlight

and the old you, will see the new me,
and i will wink at you
and fly away

(c) 2020 BGeiger

get away day


long ago, but not far enough away
mommy we have to leave before he kills you
oh my god
they know
and they are afraid

my heart aches even now
remembering their faces
my little girls
mommy please
they know

we made a plan
two paper bags
one change of clothing
walk out the back
knock on a door
ask for help
end of plan

make a plan, even a bad plan
never go back

they saved my life, i know that now
and just that so you know
they know
they always know.

(c) 2020 BGeiger

that damn shoe


you taught me to walk in the other one’s shoes
rather than feel my own pain.
maybe that person had a bad day.
maybe their feet hurt.
maybe that person is just mean.

i had my own pain,
i needed to scream!
you taught me that my screams were worthless.
you taught me to shut up and take it.
sadly, what i learned was, how to be abused.

that was many years ago,
many hard lessons, long past now.
today i walk barefoot
and no one walks on me,

(c) 2020 BGeiger

whispers


his love is a poison
wrapped up in ribbons,
a slow suffocation of all that seemed shining,
a promise of dark dreams stinging with terror
while violence lurks behind yesterday’s flowers.

she is cut to the bone with whispers and smiles.
this is not love, this is raw, wicked power.
it is rape with soft words that leave torn, jagged wounds
on the bright, bloody shards of the soul of his lover.

the shadow of fear, falls cold as the night
as hearts search in darkness,
for truth without lies.

(c) 2020 BGeiger

sign posts


you won’t see her much these days
they always ask, but she stays away
her secret life has such demands
she has no time for her old friends

they see the pain behind her eyes
they see the change but don’t know why
she was so bright and vibrant then
the music of her soul has dimmed
her old friends see and want to say
but she wouldn’t tell them anyway

her sunny smile seems insincere
her house too clean, her kids too quiet
her hair and makeup always perfect
she looks the part, but she’s just not
the happy girl they knew and loved
she won’t ask and they won’t say
but they can’t help her anyway

she keeps her sorrows tucked away
she needs help but she won’t say
her secret shame keeps her withdrawn
if only she could tell someone

one day soon, maybe today
they might ask
and she might say
and they will help her get away

(c) 2020 BGeiger

on leaving


go, or stay, but do not think
that if you wait it might get better
that the first time will be the last time,
don’t excuse the violence,
it is not just stress or job or no job or money or no money,
an abuser will be abusive
no matter the circumstance
the sad truth is that once it starts, it will always, only, ever, get worse

when is it time to leave?
when you realize that no one,
not even god, will change him for you,
when you no longer care about what you are leaving behind,
when your children tell you that it’s time to go,
it is

when you decide to leave, just do it
don’t pack more than you need,
don’t leave a note,
don’t call your mother,
don’t involve your friends,
don’t waste time gathering things that you are not willing to die for
and whatever you do,
don’t go back,
don’t ever go back,
no matter how sorry he seems
you must know that if you give him the chance
the abuser will get even


(c) 2020 BGeiger

the grave

the shining bride
who promised life and love
may take comfort in oath well kept
though little else gives ease to her thin bones

once sweet romance has shivered quietly
into her lonely, frozen grave
she offers up the polished doors to living hell
as consolation prize

the desperate clutch of fantasy
leaves desiccated weeds where gardens flourished
in the summer of her dreams
and the broken bride walks slowly toward
the dreadful ending of her fairy tale

(c) 2020 BGeiger

expectations


broken hearts and shattered dreams
are the stuff of expectations

they are the trouble after all
if only this
if only that

this very moment is all we have
all we can truly call our own,
the rest is only shiny dreams
and expectations

if you must love
don’t give it to the one
who hurts your heart and walks away.
save it for the one
who will love you well
and truly

but for today,
be with yourself,
not by yourself alone.
love the day as it unfolds
and love yourself
at least a little, every day.


(c) 2020 BGeiger

stupid, worthless, fat/skinny, ugly, fucking bitch


nobody will ever love you like i do,
you fucking bitch.
you are worthless, stupid,
fat/skinny as the case may be,
and of course, ugly.

if you just hadn’t said/done that.
it’s your fault that i had to (you know).

if you have heard some version of this,
you are being abused.
wake up
you are not any of those things.
you do not deserve to live in fear
he is not worth this damage to your body and your mind.
listen to your brain, not his lies.
your ego has lost its way,
look for what is true.

abuse is a life-time lease on a condo in hell.
the only way out is to open the door,
put one foot in front of the other
and walk away


(c) 2020 BGeiger

rain

img_4229-mtry-sunset be veryangry


burning black sand,
extravagantly bright flowers
quite suddenly dripping with warm rain
that pounds the earth with unreasonable fury

in a moment, the rain is gone
and the sand is burning hot again

violence is not rain
it does not simply stop.
bravery is necessary
yet one time more than you believe is in you

run
before you cannot



(c) 2020 BGeiger

abuse

IMG_1400


interpret the word however you like.
if you have no power in your relationship,
no control over your own life
and no hope,
this is abuse.

if your confidence has been stolen from you,
if you must tiptoe
through the turbulence between power and ego,
this is abuse.

if words are only safe unspoken
thoughts monitored for subversion,
feelings stuffed between the sofa cushions,
you are being abused.

if you are paralyzed with fear
of staying, of leaving
of dying, of not dying
and have nowhere left to go,
you are being abused.


(c) 2020 BGeiger