crysalis

my body is not who i am.
i am not this fuzzy little worm,
i am an elegant creature,
with fabulous golden wings,
you will see

my fuzzy body only sleeps in fairy dust
and grateful peace
while i become the glorious new me

when i wake,
i will lift my astonishing new wings
and my soul will fly
from flower to flower in the sunlight

and the old you, will see the new me,
and i will wink at you
and fly away


(c) 2020 BGeiger

that damn shoe


you taught me to walk in the other one’s shoes,
rather than feel my own pain.
maybe that person had a bad day.
maybe their feet hurt.
maybe that person is just mean, and i should walk away.

i had my own pain,
i needed to scream!
you taught me that my screams were worthless.
you taught me to shut up and take it.
sadly, what i learned was, how to be abused.

that was many years ago,
many hard lessons, long past now.
today, i walk barefoot
and no one walks on me.

(c) 2020 BGeiger


on leaving


go, or stay, but do not think
that if you wait it might get better
that the first time will be the last time,
don’t excuse the violence,
it is not just stress or job or no job or money or no money,
an abuser will be abusive
no matter the circumstance
the sad truth is that once it starts, it will always, only, ever, get worse

when is it time to leave?
when you realize that no one,
not even god, will change him for you,
when you no longer care about what you are leaving behind,
when your children tell you that it’s time to go,
it is

when you decide to leave, just do it
don’t pack more than you need,
don’t leave a note,
don’t call your mother,
don’t involve your friends,
don’t waste time gathering things that you are not willing to die for
and whatever you do,
don’t go back,
don’t ever go back,
no matter how sorry he seems
you must know that if you give him the chance
the abuser will get even


(c) 2020 BGeiger

alone

it is dark
and quiet
the loudest sound in the room is the beating of my heart
i can feel blood rushing through my veins
the sounds of my life are deafening

the silence is palpable
i should have felt peaceful
but i wished for someone to talk with
or love

once again, i tell myself that no one will hurt me tonight
i don’t have to be afraid anymore

today i would tell my younger self to get a dog
and a library card


(c) 2020 BGeiger

details


tomorrow is only the wind
but today is the cool grass between my toes
flowers turning toward the light
birds pecking for worms in the morning
crickets singing late into the night

i am engrossed in the great beauty of now
there is so much joy in the extravagant colors of flowers
catching sight of a flock of birds
dancing together across the sky
my heart follows the soars and dips and swirls

i love the wonder that surrounds me
i am in awe of the extraordinary details
in the tiniest of beings
the vastness of the universe
and my own beating heart

this moment is my reality
it is what i have
a moment
and a heartbeat


(c) 2020 BGeiger

secret

IMG_9306


hiding
like a secret,
behind the floppy green leaves,
this tiny pocket of flowers
brought a sweet smile to my heart today

i had forgotten
perhaps
that secrets should be joyous

there was a time when my life held many secrets.
sorrows i could not contain
searching wildly for courage
to scream
and run
and run
and never stop
until the world was safe again


(c) 2020 BGeiger

the smell of water

I walk here every day.
The hill is steep for my old knees, but I persist.

I will smell the water,
before my feet even reach the deep, cool shade
of the little oasis beside the road.
It feels like visiting an old friend.
There are always birds here,
and small critters I can hear, and imagine,
but not see.

I whisper to the trees, grateful for their constancy.
I reach out to low hanging branches
touching their tender leaves with my fingertips and my breath.
It feels like a kiss
and i hold it softly to me as i walk past.

I walk this hill to touch my universe,
to experience life in its many forms.
I walk this hill for me,
for my soul much more than for my body.

(c) 2020 BGeiger

spring


it is spring
there are flowers everywhere.
joyous
stretching
kissing the light
shocking colors that only god can make

i memorize them, for darker days.
wild
as they are.

at dusk
they fold inward.
sleeping until dawn.

my soul opens into the night
it is peaceful
the air is thicker,
closer to my skin somehow

coyotes running free
singing to one another
and to me

 
(c) 2020 BGeiger

little one


you are the future of my past
and the star on my horizon.

life has disappointed you
and my heart aches
for your sorrow.

i have lived and loved
and hurt and been hurt
and cried so many tears
and yet, it was impossible to take the pain for you

young women become so
by twisting and scraping against the walls of time
desperately crowding the future
into the present.
impatient for their dreams
to open into now

your future
will become your past
and these hard days will be
but pages read, and scattered
on the winds of fleeting dreams


(c) 2020 BGeiger

cold winter sun


The cold winter sun shares her harsh light begrudgingly.
hiding,
then fairly screaming at me from between the trees
as she dances lower and lower on the horizon.

I increase my pace,
struggling to stay warm.

A patch of lavender comes in to view,
curious
i move closer

I am overpowered,
the scent is visceral
I must stop

The bright new flowers
have rushed to open after the recent rains,
sensing light through the eyelids of their souls,
urgently unfolding into the new day.
stretching
reaching
gloriously becoming

I take a picture, but it is washed out
the light is too bright.
I move my body to create a shadow
and try again

I breathe deeply,
memorizing the moment.
joyous
unwashed
unchanged by chemistry

Today I have learned something

Light is necessary for life,
but shadow is necessary for vision.


(c) 2020 BGeiger 

living in color

we want time,
and time,
and more time, to what end?
will we die happier if we live a long life
of if we live gratefully
for temporary things
love, kinship, a smile, eyes that truly see

look at the trees,
i doubt they complain about the years they don’t have.
it seems enough to stretch their branches toward the sun,
to witness thunder and soak up fresh drops of rain,
to stand tall without demanding eternity.

breathe in the beauty and strength of the trees,
endlessly renewing, shedding the old and moving on.
it is the way of the universe.
we live, we grow old, or not, and we die,
maybe we change form and shape and live again,
somehow or another
or maybe not
it doesn’t matter to me
one life is magical enough,
if i don’t waste it living in desperation and fear.

(c) 2020 BGeiger

heartbroken

I’ve seen that look before,
you think that the problem is you.

Sunset pulls mightily upon your soul.
Stars and moon sing their own songs of freedom,
the night birds,
screeching and cawing to one another
delicately unfold their wings,
lifting themselves
on the faintest breeze,
above the earth,
toward the growing darkness.

And you keep shoveling mountains of guilt
over your already tired bones.

You are only reaching for that part of the sky
that belongs to you.

Do you think it is within your power to change
the soul that inhabits your being?
Many of us have tried
to squeeze ourselves into that perfect person mold
biting our tongues,
hiding our tears,
screaming into our pillows.
It never ends well.

Be who you are.
follow the moon and the stars,
unfold your soul wings and fly away



(c) 2020 BGeiger

shrew


i was a battered wife
briefly,
until I became a prisoner.
which is of course,
the only way to tame a Shrew

the single unlovely, outspoken, prickly weed
in his perfect garden
of quiet, well behaved possessions

the prisoner, fortunately,
will never become what she is not
and the Shrew will finally, at long last
notice a spark of light in the darkness,
pull herself up by her roots,
and her hair,
charge headlong into the
blinding white light of freedom
and never look back.
not ever.

your circumstance is not your fate
it is a warning, not a curse.
run for your life
before you put down roots

(c) 2020 BGeiger